I'd Be Grumpy Too

BACKGROUND: Every so often each tank/enclosure that houses an animal needs to be cleaned thoroughly. This was one of those times.

***All names have been changed to something ridiculous to protect their identity***

CHARACTERS:

Stevie

Sir Rudealot - The Educator 

9:02AM on a Sunday

Location:

Exhibit Hall

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I’ve finally done it. It had been on my to-do list for a long time as I awaited all the supplies to be delivered, but I could now cross it off. A snake enclosure was getting dirtier by the day. I took everything out, giving the tank a thorough cleaning and renovating all the decor inside. I added fresh substrate, new branches for climbing, shelters, tunnels, and even a bigger water bowl—this was a luxurious tank now. Once complete, I placed the snake back inside and watched as they happily traversed their new home, inspecting every inch of it. I stood there proud, overlooking my accomplishment.

“Hey there,” said a young educator (Sir Rudealot) who had just arrived on-site for his shift. “Wow. Is that a new tank?” 

“I just barely got done cleaning everything out actually,” I replied.

“Oh, okay. Cool. What’s the snake’s name again?”

“They actually don’t have a name in our system.”

“Oh, okay. Cool. How old are they?”

“This snake is going on twenty years old now.”

Sir Rudealot gasped. “Twenty years old and they still don’t have a name?! That’s so sad.”

“I mean, not really. It’s not entirely uncommon for some animals at institutions to remain nameless. There isn’t anything wrong with that.”

“Please, it’s depressing! I can’t believe you haven’t named them yet.”

I suppressed the urge to snap at them with a sarcastic comment. “Well… as I said it’s not entirely uncommon for some animals—”

“Just wow, really. An unnamed, old, and grumpy snake,” they interjected.

“Who said they were grumpy?”

“Please, they’re twenty years old—that’s ancient. They’re basically a grumpy grandpa at this point.”

“Ummm … I wouldn’t say—actually that’s not the best way to describe—”

“I mean, I get it. I’d be pretty grumpy too if I didn’t have a name and lived in a small, dirty glass box for my entire life.” 

I blinked out of shock. Excuse me? Who did they think they were? This educator just strolled up and insulted the work of the very person who is tasked with care for the animal—me. I clenched my jaw, attempting to remain professional. “It’s a perfectly good habitat with plenty of space and—”

“You should also try soaking their food in olive oil and honey. Snakes love that.”

“... What? Where the heck did you hear something like that?”

“Facebook.”

I paused. Then, a mental lightbulb flickered to life. “Sorry to change the subject, but do you also get the news through Facebook?”

They nodded. “It’s the most reliable news outlet there is. Why?”

“Oh, okay. Cool.” I said, instantly relieved. Their reliance on Facebook explained so much about them. “Well, have a nice day.” I waved and walked away, happier than ever.

THE END