We Don't Have Tap

BACKGROUND: The POS system and credit card readers are ancient which means we have yet to take advantage of tap payments on phones. Every chip reader has a label on the screen that clearly reads, TAP PAYMENTS NOT ACCEPTED.

***All names have been changed to something ridiculous to protect their identity***

CHARACTERS:

Stevie

Clark Kent

12:13PM on a Monday

Location:

Ticket Booth

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Raining. A cold, late winter day where the New England weather can’t make up its mind if spring is around the corner or not. For whatever reason, bad weather brings everyone to the aquarium. If I didn’t have to work and it was raining, the last thing I’d want to do is leave my apartment, yet hoards of people strolled up the plaza. Great …

I was stationed inside the ticket booth today. “I can help whoever is next at window four,” I said into the window microphone, attempting to gain someone’s attention. It didn’t work. I tried again, this time with more emotion. Still nothing. There was an entire line of people, at least forty strong, standing in front of the booth, and apparently they were all hard of hearing. I cleared my throat. “Next. In. Line. Window. Four.” 

That did it.

A man strolled up. He was short, scruffy, and wore Clark Kent glasses but lacked all of the muscles—we’ll call him Clark Kent. “Sorry, didn’t see, or hear, you there.”

“That’s quite alright. How can I help you?”

“Can I get four tickets, please?” Clark Kent asked, prematurely entering his card into the chip reader.

“The chip reader isn’t ready yet. Can you take your card out? And is it two kids and two adults? Or …?” 

He took the card out. “Oh, sorry about that. How much is it?”

“... I … I don’t know yet. How many adults and kids?”

“Oh, sorry. Two adults,” he said, reinserting the card into the chip reader.

“Sir, the chip reader isn’t ready yet. And is it two adults and two kids?”

He took the card back out. “Oh, sorry about that. And yes, two adults and two kids.”

Finally, an answer. I sighed with relief. “The four tickets will be one hundred and eighteen dollars. You can insert your card in the chip reader now,” I said, expecting his card to be at the ready—It wasn’t. “Sir, you can insert your card in the chip reader now.”

“Oh, sorry about that,” he said, tapping his card. 

“We don’t have tap.”

“Oh, sorry. You should have a sign about that. It’d really help with the confusion.”

I pointed to the sign directly on top of the chip reader: TAP PAYMENTS NOT ACCEPTED.

He jumped backwards, as if startled at being wrong. “Oh, sorry. Wow, it’s right there for me to see, isn’t it? Apparently, I can’t read.”

I forced out a chuckle. “That’s quite alright...”

“Can you reset it for me?”

I rubbed my temples. “Of course.” I reset the system. “Alright, you can insert your card at the bottom.” 

“Now?”

“Yes.”

He tapped the card. 

“Sir! I just said we don’t have tap.”

“Oh, sorry. That’s right, the sign is right there. Can you reset it?”

I did. The screen turned back on. I made eye contact this time, as if speaking to a child. “You can insert, not tap, your card in the chip reader now.”

He did. Thank goodness! I felt like I was in NASA headquarters, having just witnessed a huge milestone for all of humanity. 

“Third time's the charm, right?” Clark Kent said, reaching for his card …

… AND TAKING IT OUT OF THE CHIP READER PREMATURELY.

“Oh, sorry. I thought it was done. Can you reset it?”

I immediately dropped dead from the stupidity.

THE END